Dating · Life · Positivity · relationships

Dirty 30: How Dirty Is It?

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That bottle of wine isn’t getting any easier.

I know that they say that women shouldn’t reveal their age, but I don’t really care. I’ll be 30 in December. I’m not so sure how I feel about it yet…don’t even know if I’m actually feeling anything at all, but I’m definitely becoming more aware of the arrival the closer it gets.

I’d like to think that my concerns are normal. Relationship status. Career status. Life in general status. There’s something about closing in on this decade that really makes me reflect on the past and hope for better in the future. It all boils down to time. I always worry about wasted time. Looking back into my 20’s, I can think of so many times where I gave time to undeserving things and people.

Welp. 30 is coming, and I don’t plan to do the same this decade around.

The same things that I sometimes worry about are the same things that I am grateful for. Yes, I’m very single but at least I’m not going into my 30’s wasting time in a terrible ‘relationship’. I sleep just fine knowing that I’m not worried about being hurt by a man. I may not have an six figure career, but I’m steadily working to better myself–even going back to school.

When I REALLY think about it, I’m not doing as bad as I could be. I count my blessings for sure. The real truth is that the standards of age mean nothing. We each have our own path. We each have a journey full of experiences that no one else can share completely. We each have our own pace–things are done just when they should be. I’ve learned to have even more trust in myself. As long as I’m moving towards progress, I’m able to snap out of my random pity parties.

I just wish I could get my metabolism moving the same way…

 

Life · Positivity

Ready or Not, Make a Move

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Ready:

1. completely prepared or in fit condition for immediate action or use.

2. duly equipped, completed, adjusted, or arranged, as for an occasion or purpose.

How many times have you pulled back from doing something out of fear that you weren’t ready? Are we ever truly ready for any of the steps we need to take in life? To be honest, I have more questions than answers, but I’ve been able to make some sense of the dilemma. I’ve been on both sides of the fence: I’ve put things off and worried about my readiness, and I’ve leaped into things and worked them out as I went. It all boils down to how willing you are to take a risk.

They say that experience is the best teacher. Well, what if you don’t show up to class? How upset have you been when you weren’t considered for a position because you didn’t have enough work experience. “BUT THAT’S WHY I APPLIED!!! I NEED EXPERIENCE!!!” Isn’t that just so frustrating?? Well, I think that life works the same way except there are many opportunities where we can give ourselves more experience if only we take the necessary risks.

Risks are tricky; not knowing how something will pan out can be very worrisome. The results may or may not be favorable. You may end up two steps ahead or two steps behind. You may not see any change in your life at all. It’s okay to be hesitant about risk, but the most important thing is getting that life experience to prepare you for future things. I don’t think it’s possible to be completely READY for something, but you can at least take steps to prepare yourself. This preparation can be educational, financial, or just experiencing things that strengthen your maturity.

Are you ready for the next step? Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean you should remain stagnant with doubt. Go ahead and take those steps for preparedness. Each experience gets you just that much closer to what you never thought you’d be ready for.

blogging · Life · Positivity

Blogging When Life Is Hectic: Where’s the Balance?

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I’m just as tired, but not as cute as this little duckling

Sooooo…it’s been a couple of weeks since my last post–quite a lot has happened since then. I originally intended to only be away for a weekend because I knew that work would be crazy for those days but things seemed to take another direction.

 

Working in retail sales, September marks the beginning of our busy season. It is at this point that we are ending our third quarter and gearing up for the fourth quarter. You can’t really prepare for it, you just kinda deal with it as you go along. The hours and the stress of the customer-facing nature of the business create the perfect recipe for exhaustion, leaving the mind and body with very little energy for anything else. Since I’d been so excited about blogging in these first few months, I am saddened by how little I’ve been able to produce. I’ve even been upset with myself at times simply because the fatigue has clouded my mind so much.

This is no good. 

You ever been so tired that your mind feels like mush? You ever had days where you’re mentally ready to get back on the horse but your body knocks you back to the ground? That’s how these past 2 weeks have been. Writing has been tough, but I’d resolved to at least make sure that I kept my reading mission going (“F*ck Feelings” is still pretty awesome by the way) so I could have my mind focus on something.

I’m still working to find a balance for blogging when my real life is hectic, and I’m not giving up. I know I’m not the first to have these challenges, and I know I won’t be the last. I also know that I love blogging and really want to grow as a writer so I need the continued practice.

If you’ve ever dealt with this struggle, what techniques did you use to get closer to balance? Did you ever learn to balance blogging with the chaos of your real life, or are you just making it work? Leave me a clue, a sign, or something in the comments.

I definitely need all the help I can get.

blogging · books · Wellness

Books Galore!!


I’ve challenged myself to pick up my reading habit again. I enjoy writing but reading eases my mind better than any other activity. Reading inspires me. Since I am always searching for writing inspiration, reading is what I shall do.

I don’t aspire to be some self-help guru, but I like that some people actually value my advice. Well, sometimes I need to hear such advice from other sources too. My last reading spell involved suspense novels, but my latest purchases fall within the “self-help” genre.

These are my latest Amazon purchases:

“F*ck Feelings: One Shrink’s Practical Advice for Managing All Life’s Impossible Problems”  by Michael I. Bennett, MD and Sarah Bennettfckfeelings

 

“Originals: How Non-Conformists Move The World” by Adam Grant

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“The Magic of Thinking Big” by David J. Schwartz, Ph.D.

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I will be reading “F*ck Feelings” first! If you’ve read either of these books, be sure to comment and tell me what you thought.

I’m hoping to become inspired by my readings. I will share the experience as I go!

All photos courtesy of Amazon.com

 

blogging · Wellness

Finding Inspiration In The Midst Of Madness

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Work has been super busy lately. Due to such madness, writing has become more of a challenge–this is my first busy season since starting this blog–but I am intent on finding a balance. I ask in advance that you forgive me for any gaps between my blog posts as I work to find my way. 

~ Keesh

Having become so caught up in my job, I am reminded daily of how difficult writing can be. Before starting this post, I brainstormed in search of inspiration. The biggest problem I have is that when I answer the question “What are you thinking?”, I find that I spend a lot of time not thinking at all.

After dealing with customers for hours, it seems that my mind is set on finding peace in nothingness. Have you ever driven from work and had no recollection of what the drive was like? I mean, you’ve made it from point A to point B but you have absolutely no idea as to how you got there. This is how my day-to-day thinking works sometimes. I go to work and give my customers every bit of my energy and attention. When I get home, I don’t give my brain the attention it needs.

Blogging was meant to help exercise my brain, but this wasn’t always the case. Before starting my current job, I buried myself in books because reading was such brain stimulation. Well, I’ve decided to go back to where I started and get my reading mojo back. Instead of reading my usual novels of suspense and drama, I’ll be taking a different approach.

My current mission is to adopt a healthier mindset. I want to better position myself for success and I know that the proper mindset is essential to making it happen–where the head goes, the body follows. WORK. READ. BLOG. This shall be my life for the next few months. I’m looking forward to the peace that reading gives me and I’m sure it will inspire my writing.

What will I be reading? I’ll share my books in the next post.

Life · Positivity · Wellness

Just A Thought: There Are No Mistakes, Only Poor Choices

accountability

Recently, during one of my thought sessions, I thought about how much of life is based on cause and effect. I came to a bold realization: We don’t make mistakes, we make choices. (Yes, bold statement.) There are forces of nature that just a cause things to happen, of course these things are out of our control, but most of our lives can be chalked up to choices–this applies to both positive and negative experiences. I don’t know about you, but in being honest with myself, I can think of so many things in my life that could’ve been different had I just made a different decision.

Owning your decision-making is an ugly process. I mean, who wants to admit that they’re wrong? Admitting fault is a touchy thing, but it’s real. Saying “I made a mistake” sometimes sounds like a cop-out. Yes we’re imperfect. Yes we do things that make no sense. So many times we certainly misplace blame. I think that the more honest we are ourselves about how much power we have over the outcome of our lives, thethe morebetter better off we will be. It’s easy to blame someone else for why something has happened to us; it’s not easy to reconcile with the fact that we’ve made a poor decision. You can’t fix anything if you’re not honest enough to identify a problem. Well, if you’re not honest enough to realize that you’ve repeatedly made poor choices, then how can you become better at making the right choices?

I’ve put myself through so much unnecessary foolishness all because I made foolish choices. While some would blame others, I knew to blame myself. I STILL make stupid choices, but being honest about that has helped me move in better directions and avoid much more grief and heartache. This post is a representation of my thought process through it all. I’m learning to empower myself to create the life I want.

Here’s my challenge to you: Sit down and reflect on your own life.

How many times have you made things unnecessarily hard on yourself? How many times have you blamed others when the power was all in your hands? Do you TRUST yourself to make good choices? It can be painful, but the honesty can certainly help. Own your bad choices, and strive to make better ones in the future. You have more power over your life than you could ever realize.

blogging · Dating · Life · Positivity · relationships

Advice From Pretty Men

 

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I really had no intended photo for today’s post, so here’s a gif of my fave Tina Belcher courtesy of giphy.com

 

I’m not sure what happened, or even WHEN it happened, but there’s been a sudden rise in pretty men giving women advice. These men make videos and post statuses that tell women just why their relationships are unsuccessful, why their mindset needs to change, why they’re not attracting decent men, what men are looking for, and even telling men what they are doing wrong (women REALLY eat this part up it says, “Oh, he’s on our side!”). I’ve seen quite a few of these “attractive advisors”, and I’ve been left with questions:

Isn’t this common sense? Why are these women eating this up as if they’ve never heard of these basic concepts before? Haven’t they lived and experienced on their own to learn these things without having this pretty man tell them what’s up?

Nothing that I have seen or heard from these men has been mind-blowing. Hell, I’ve been saying some of the same things for years! I have friends who’ve said the same things! A lot of the ideas are just logical concepts on how relationships and human interaction work–LOGICAL. They’re just delivered by a handsome face and a smile. Are women incapable of understanding logical ideas unless their presented by a man?

I think women are VERY capable, which is why these men bother me and the women who follow them puzzle me. It’s bad enough that women are seen as “emotional creatures who can’t possibly make decisions based on logic or rationale”, it really doesn’t help to see these guys use emotional appeal to gain the female audience. They tell you how beautiful you are and appeal to your desire to have a man understand your plight in the quest for love. They even have you asking yourself, “Why can’t I find someone like him?”

That’s EXACTLY where the problem lies. Ladies, these men have no idea who you are so your chances with them are very slim. Of course everything looks and sounds like perfection, but would you listen if he wasn’t so handsome? No matter what these men tell you, unless you’re able to learn from your own experiences and be truthful with yourself in those experiences, you’re wasting your time hanging on their every word.

As I’ve said earlier, I’ve already realized everything that these guys say. I’ve either experiened it myself, witnessed and learned, or learned from friends. At the end of it all, I’ve still made dumb choices, ones that I have completely owned up to. Why do I own these mistakes? Because I believe in being honest with yourself, you’ll understand how dangerous it is to hang onto those pretty words instead of honestly learning from your experiences. I can’t even say that my mistakes were mistakes, I knew better and chose to do the exact opposite.

These guys are cool and all, but before this social media phenomenon there was always common sense. Be honest with yourself. Take time to seek wisdom outside of social media. Live and learn on your own terms and stop hanging onto the words of those pretty men.

Current Events · Uncategorized

Rebel With A License: My First Day Trip

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Monday, I made my first “long-distance” drive. My Wingstop friend and I went to Wrightsville Beach in Wilmington, NC. We had to go Monday so that we could beat the storms forecasted for Tuesday and Wednesday. Like most of our outings, this trip became its own adventure.

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I mean, look at that water!!

Wilmington is only 2 hours away from Durham, but it was the longest I’d driven at one time so far. The drive there was AMAZING!! Blue skies and puffy white clouds, awesome tunes, and the open road created perfect conditions for a day trip. Aside from a food break, the drive was pretty much a straight shot.

When we arrived at Wrightsville Beach, I was in awe! I’m from Norfolk, VA and I’m no stranger to beaches, but Wilmington was something special. The water seems to be clearer there. The sky was a different shade of blue. The seashells!! There were seashells EVERYWHERE!!! Not cigarettes or trash, seashells!! I’ve never collected shells before, but I just had to snag those Carolina shells. We strolled the beach for over an hour–sky gazing, watching the surfers, snapping pictures–before we heard thunder and saw a huge storm cloud making its way towards us.

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The storm was a-brewin’…

So much for beating the storm.

All I knew was that I had to get back to the car ASAP–can’t get my starter locks wet–and that we were nowhere near the parking lot. So there we were, shoeless and speed walking to the car. My friend’s feet were killing him, so I told him to stop and wait for me as I took the keys and our destiny into my own hands and RAN. I ran down the street like nobody’s business with these little feet–I don’t even know how many blocks I ran, but shout out to my years of working in a kitchen for giving me my Teflon feet.

We didn’t get soaked or anything, but we did get hit with a few random pockets of rain on the drive back. The puffy white clouds of our initial drive were replaced by those pretty “after the storm” clouds. Combine those clouds with a setting sun and the sky was like a Bob Ross painting. It was the perfect backdrop for the perfect day.

I have no idea where I’ll be going next, but Wilmington was a good first drive. I always felt bad that people here have to drive so far just to get to a beach, but man is the drive worth it. I am officially a fan of Carolina beaches.

Check out more amazing pictures below!

 

 

blogging · Uncategorized

My Third Month Of Blogging: When Life Gets Realer

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“Keshia’s Modern Life” is just a few days shy of its third month of existence, so it’s that time again to share what I’ve experienced this month. This month’s theme: Blogging Is Hard.

I know I’ve said this multiple times before, but this past month had a way of stressing that fact over and over again. This is the month where I’ve learned that sometimes you need to TAKE a mental break before you HAVE a mental break. If you don’t make time for yourself, your body will have a way of forcing you to make that time and it won’t be pretty.

Since starting this blog, I’ve had a rest day or two sprinkled into my schedule. Recently, I’d planned to just have a normal rest day, but things kinda went left. Nothing SERIOUS had happened, I just found myself mentally and exhausted. The mental fatigue trickled down to the rest of my body and I had a lot of stress-induced pain. So, instead of just taking one day off, I took DAYS off. The decision to take a little vacay was harder than you’d think.

When working to achieve something, it’s painful for me to just stop. I felt like I was cheating the process. I’m always afraid that time off will unintentionally become permanent. I was frustrated by my sense of urgency to create something even though I was mentally unable to make it happen. No matter how frustrated, I understood that I needed the break so that I could actually return to achieving. After having some time off, I’m better able to actually get things done.

If you’re reading this and happen to want to start a blog of your own, I forever will encourage you to go for it! I don’t share my experiences as a means of discouragement but as a means of honest transparency. Each day brings its own challenge and they’re much easier to handle when you’re not expecting unicorns and rainbows. Don’t be afraid to make time for yourself along the way.

I’m looking forward to this fourth month of blogging as I’ve got some new things planned. I truly love blogging and I have to say that I even love the growing pains that I’m experiencing along the way. I’m growing with each passing month, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Life · Positivity · Wellness

Breaking My Bad Habits: Divide & Conquer


I have some of the WORST habits. It’s not even the bad habits that are the problem, I seem to have the hardest time breaking them. I mean, I recognize them and may even know the fix for them, but I’ve failed in the execution. My bad habits are like a giant Pokeball–I’m getting captured all over the place. I may manage to break free from said Pokeball, but those habits are like, “Nah”.

Well, that’s all about to change. I realize now that I’ve been going about this all wrong! I’m going to have to employ the “divide and conquer” approach. Sometimes the solution isn’t to cut bad habits cold turkey, you have to create little good habits that will chip away at your bad habits. The end goal is to have turned those little good habits into bigger, permanent good habits and have those bad habits shrink and fall away.

Here are a few of the bad habits that irk my nerves (in no particular order):

Procrastinator: Master Level

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I’ll get that thing done. One of these days. I really don’t mean to put things off, but when I get into that procrastinating mode, nothing is safe.

The Heavy-Duty Snoozer 

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Oh. So that alarm thought I was just gonna get outta bed and hit the showers huh? I’m straight up disrespectful when it comes to alarms. Even with having 4 alarms set–mostly to accommodate my snoozing needs–I still find a way to inch past them all so that I can get up at the very last possible minute.

Ashy Keshia

ashy larry

I love lotion. I keep plenty of lotion. Unfortunately, I never take/make time to lotion my actual body. I mean, maybe if I could stop snoozing so damn long. The only parts of my body that actually make the cut every day are my arms. I need to get it together. I don’t need this black to crack.

Sleep Fighter

insomnia stewie

I already know that insomnia is my arch nemesis, yet I seem to love to help it out by not getting to bed when I KNOW I could actually go to sleep. I just HAVE to occupy myself with something else instead. This one is good and bad, because it’s how I get a lot of my posts written (or at least started) but I know I need to be getting more sleep.

 

Blowing All The Monies

TAKE MY MONEY

Look, when it comes to food I’m either gonna spend none of the money, or I’m gonna spend ALL of the money. There is no in-between. There is no try; only spend. If there’s food on the line, my swipe game has no bounds. Even chip reader can’t slow me down. Don’t make me break out my Apple Pay. My bank account has PLENTY bounds, but the food just calls to me.

Some of my bad habits are milder than others–this is also just a short list. When it came to my wine habit, I was better able to change that habit because I knew it was a BAD thing. I took time to understand WHY I was drinking so much and I made the changes. I need to work on my mindset in relation to these other bad habits too. I CAN break them, I HAVE to break them. Anything that is slowing me down and keeping me from doing the things I need to be doing to get ahead needs to be completely cut out. There are SO many things I’ve never finished because of these stupid habits. This can’t continue!

Mindset really is everything. Maybe I have no energy because my thoughts haven’t been energetic. This most recent rut came after a period of super productivity and positivity. I must turn that switch back on–it felt so much better than the alternative.

Bad habits are always going to be hard to break if you keep telling yourself that. Change the conversation.

All gifs courtesy of giphy.com