I have a history of completion issues. It was always either one of two things: I’d start but I wouldn’t finish, or I’d plan but I’d never start. I already touched on my issues with tackling goals, but I want to take time to work through the ingredients of these issues.
Motivation–or lack thereof–is a big contributor to my shoddy completion record. I would begin something new with an enthusiasm only matched by that of Tom Cruise jumping on that couch. Then it happens. Soon enough into the process, I’ve lost all motivation. I’ve suffered a failure and been unable to bounce back–this leads me to my fave reason of all.
Excuses. Plenty of excuses. Because I’d dealt with a setback and lost all initial excitement, I’d have to find reasons as to why I couldn’t possibly follow through. Excuses were comforting. It was ok. At least I’d tried. I TRIED?? THAT was a lie. A bold faced, italicized, lie!! What kind of honest try includes giving up at the sign of the first pebble in the road? No matter how many excuses I made, the comfort was only temporary. Once the pacifier fell out, I was always left with a feeling of inadequacy. I was losing.
While reading this, you may have noticed my use of the past tense. I’m telling you all about what I USED to do, and you’re wondering whether or not I’ve been reformed. Yes and no. I still struggle with incomplete tasks. This here blog is a PERFECT example of my struggle. So far, I’ve only taken 2 rest days–one weekly. I’ve been going pretty strong as far as consistency goes, but there are THOSE days–those days where I’m too tired to even think straight. There are nights where distraction and writer’s block threaten my whole writing process. This very post is a product of such a moment. I’m almost through writing this post at 1:38 am, even though I sat down to write at 10:30 pm.
The old Keshia? She would’ve politely threw pen and paper on a nightstand and wasted the night away watching YouTube videos or something. 2016 Keshia is exercising more accountability. Instead of giving up on this post, the thought of surrender inspired me to do the opposite. When I get tired, I think of my responsibilities to my goals, my audience–heeeeeyyy y’all–and myself. I think of my own growth. It’s ok to be tired, I’ve given myself that concession, but there’s no quitting allowed.