Against The Grain


Yes, we like you. No, we’re not made to live up to your ideas of us.


Recently, I’ve been asked why I’m so aggressive. As many times as I’ve been asked, you’d think I walked around just beating people up. I wouldn’t say that it bothered me, as much as it has led me to once again question what it means for me to an aggressive woman–and why it’s an issue.

Let me first start by describing myself. I’ve never been ‘girly’ in any sense of the word. Yes, I can showcase my womanliness, but dainty I am not. I’ve never been into the princess thing. My fave female Disney character is Mulan because she’s just kickass.  I can be blunt, but I’m still conscious of the feelings of others. I’m a bit outspoken, but I’m also shy. I like being around people, but I love having time to myself. I’m not as competitive as I wish I were. Long story short, I–like many other women–am a mix of many characteristics. Whenever we’re asked why we’re a certain way, there’s always a negative connotation. For this reason, I’m not cool with being questioned just because I don’t fit the stereotypical idea of what a woman should be.

I talked to one of my guy friends–my Wingstop Therapy partner–and he offered some insight. He said that men generally have an idea of what a woman is, and when a woman doesn’t fit they just may look elsewhere. These men don’t realize that the problem doesn’t lie with the woman but with their faulty perception of her. Maybe I’ve missed something, but it seems to me that women don’t get the same privilege. If a woman perceives that men are meant to be providers–or any other cliche –then the woman is asking for too much or digging for gold.  The fact that it’s normal for a man to question why a woman doesn’t fit a mold blows my mind. Sure, there are women with rudimentary perceptions of what a man should be, but a woman’s not going to walk up to you and ask why you suck at manhood.

Even after thinking all of this through, I’m still left with more questions than answers. The one answer that I do have is that I’m not planning on changing my description of myself in order to fit anyone’s perception anytime soon–men especially. There’s perception, and then there’s the truth. If your perception of the opposite sex is so strictly constructed that you need to question why someone doesn’t comply, then you need to look for some truth and stop fooling yourself.


Visit Google and do an image search for “aggressive woman”. You’re going to love the angry women that pop up.





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