There’s nothing like the disappointment of an unmet expectation. One the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn in life has been to be careful of what I expect from people–I can be horrible when it comes to this. In most cases, people will fail to meet those expectations–without even knowing that they’ve failed your test–and you’ll be left with anger and frustration while they’re just living their lives. I think that the expectations of relationships can have the same effect. If you ask certain people what they want from a relationship, they’ll tell you that they WANT IT ALL.
I’ll just come right out and say it: YOU CAN’T HAVE IT ALL!
Well, you can have SOME of it…if you have the right mindset. Like I said before, I think it’s important to learn to live independent of a relationship. I mean independent as in the ability to survive when you’re not in a relationship. If you learn this while you’re single, you may be better equipped to manage when you have to compromise for the greater good of your relationship. It’s okay to have standards–I’ll never tell you otherwise–but you may have to tailor your expectations to the realities of your relationship.
These days, the biggest test involves whether or not we’re able to merge our career identities with the identities that we have within our relationships. We want to be able to grind our hearts out, but we want to constantly be around our partners. We want our partners to be the sole providers as we pursue our own desires, and at the same time, we want to be around each other constantly. We may want to continue to be independent even after finally getting into a relationship (capitalizing on any time that our partner could have to develop themselves), and then get mad because our partner isn’t doing what we think they should be doing.
The point I’m making is this: You’ve done all that work preparing yourself to mingle and achieve that relationship status, don’t ruin it with unrealistic expectations. You may think that your expectations make perfect sense until you take the time to say them out loud. If it sounds like it’s one-sided and doesn’t benefit both parties, then it may need to be thrown out. If it doesn’t seem like something that can be worked out with compromise from both sides, then it may need to be thrown out.
Long story short, be careful what you ask for. You may just be asking for future headaches.